I always say my first son birthed a Mother, but my second son birthed an Advocate. A woman who wants fellow millennial mothers to thrive in their role as divine co-Creator, even if she’s come face to face with death in the process.
I’ve been talking about birth trauma for two years now- supporting women in getting comfortable with acknowledging and giving voice to the undiscussed pain behind their birthing experiences. I even created a podcast about it as a conscious effort to heal my own trauma, but one energetic shift would come ushering in a season of intense, but mandatory emotional evaluation. Had I truly healed? Accepted that my life and my body had dramatically changed all due to my intuitive maternal wisdom being ignored?
My emotions around having had an emergency C-section experience had managed to settle down and while it’s been work to get them that way, I thought the healing process had been completed. I recorded my last episode back in January 2018 and decided the podcast’s mission had reached its peak, but Venus in Scorpio’s Retrograde emergence in October 2018 would teach me there was still some more emotional detox to be done. I still had some more releasing to do.
But before we get knee deep in the emotional intensity behind detoxing during such a powerful energetic shift, let’s unpack what Venus in Scorpio Retrograde really is and what it represents.
Venus Rx or Venus in Retrograde is an energetic season or transit when the planet ruling love, relationships, beauty, money, aesthetic, and art "move backward" over a set of degrees in a particular sign. When it moves through Scorpio, the sign of death, transformation, the phoenix rising, sex and sexuality, and all things contracts and money, the retrograde gives light to the deepest examinations. This shift happens to affect us all, but how it affects you and me, individually, depends entirely on where the placement falls in your natal chart. The sign Scorpio and what house this energy governs is where you will feel it more specifically.
For me, this was a place where I simply could not ignore the effects that a near-death experience continued to have on me and my family. I began feeling the transit effects on my relationships to self and others, deeply and quite suddenly. I could literally see the word DETOX flashing in my head at times. After several days into the transit-not being able to shake the intuitive feeling that my system was on overload, and feeling quite triggered emotionally over the smallest of things, I decided to talk to my holistic health practitioner.
Turns out, I was right. My body was in serious need of shedding old energies, toxins, and most importantly, emotions related to my birth experience. The nagging remnants of Postpartum PTSD, which no one ever talks about because it’s not to the extreme of Postpartum Depression, were still lingering.
As a multi-tasking, entrepreneurial mom, it's easy to think about more surface things like how my midsection needs toning, how many pampers need restocking, or which editorial deadlines are looming. But being two years postpartum with this c-section birth and feeling almost completely normal again, it never dawned on me how much my energetic body had really been holding on to. It finally made sense why my gallbladder meridian would always come up for discussion after my routine deep tissue, restorative massages.
A year into exclusively breastfeeding my son, I began to have deep-seated pain under my right shoulder blade, which we thought was a persistent strain, but I now know it was more than that. I was angry. And the entire experience still lay tightly packed in my system manifesting in many different ways.
In learning all of this, and deciding I couldn’t move forward without taking action, I began an intuitive protocol that wouldn’t make me crazier than I've been between pre-school enrollment, potty training, and weaning my relentless, teething two-year-old.
Enter my essential oils routine. Topically and internally, I implemented a Certified Therapeutic Grade brand, scientifically tested as safe enough for internal consumption. Once a day, I put 1-3 drops of lemon essential oil in 8 oz of room temperature water upon waking and intuitively made myself a roller blend of Peppermint, Cypress, and Vetiver. Using the blends in accompaniment with speaking written words of affirmation over my liver and gallbladder meridian, twice a day, I noticed shifts almost immediately.
What I was not prepared for was the spontaneous need to weep over very vivid flashbacks of the surgery, things I wish I had said to my OBGYN, the questioning over whether forgiving her dismissive selfishness had indeed been the right thing to do. It felt like dust had gotten kicked up in the backseat of a vehicle and as the driver, I was forced to pull over and really just sit there. There was no more neatly packing the leftover, never addressed feelings of rage, anger, sadness, feelings of betrayal and resentment when my sons would accidentally press an area of my abdomen I thought had completely healed.
It was intense, but using this detox protocol gave me the support I needed to make it through the season. I came to accept how this transit wasn’t sent to expose me, but to check on me. Help to crack open new ground for me to emerge more purified, grounded and passionate about transforming this pain into ministry as a Maternal Wellness Advocate, continuing to support my fellow mothers in creating safe space to share their own birth trauma. And for the awareness on how healing comes in waves and stages, I’m grateful.